There are a lot of things I struggle with. One of the biggest things I struggle with is my inability to follow through and finish projects. As a creative person this has become and currently is extremely frustrating. I have ideas, I have thousands upon thousands of ideas (some of them are even good) but for some reason I have such a problem focusing on one that it’s just easier to not do it. I know from experience I’m capable of doing it, I’m capable of just starting because that’s the first step to completion. Starting. Beginning. Why is this first step so difficult for me? It’s because before I begin I think of all the times I’m going to start and then start over and then start over and over and over. That’s a daunting task; failing. I have to fail so many times before I get it right and no matter how much I know and understand that, it’s still my biggest mental block. It took me 6 months to finally write a blog post for pete’s sake.
I’ve spent those last 6 months just trying to decide what this blog’s theme will be like it matters. What will I write about? Will it just be an extension of my Twitter feed where I expand on my snarky comments and my obsession with Chicago sports? Do I bare it all and let you all know that I’m not just what you see on Twitter? What if I’m not funny enough for more than 140 characters? WHAT WILL YOU THINK OF ME THEN?! I am consumed by an irrational fear of letting you guys beyond my witty façade.
Here’s a fun little nugget: I’ve actually been extremely self-conscious since middle school (about everything about me) and especially since that time in 8th grade I told a joke and no one laughed. I appreciate that life is full of these humbling moments but fuck you Mr. Teacher’s 8th grade math class, fuck all of you. I now use humor as a defense mechanism and a weapon. I have horrible upper body strength so it’s really all I have.
I’ve strayed a bit off topic but this is something you will come to find as normal behavior. In case any of you are still on the edge of your seat wondering, I’ve decided this blog is going to be about everything. How’s that for specific? I don’t go to therapy so I’m using this as my outlet. Good luck with that.
In short, I’ve decided to stop being lazy and just take those first steps I need to take to get shit done. I hope you all get to watch me overcome some of the roadblocks I’ve put up for myself over the years. Don’t worry, I’m not going to pretend I’m any more damaged than any of you. In fact, I’m probably less. I mean, the heaviest baggage I carry around with me is the fact that I’m a Cubs fan.
The Cubs are actually what inspired me to finally write this. I turned off my 7th marathon of Buffy the Vampire Slayer to watch the Crosstown Classic between 2 of the worst teams in baseball.
Anything is more exciting.